Listeners of our show (Mad Radio 10a-2p Monday-Friday) know that I’m generally opposed to feeling things. That is, I’m opposed to me feeling things. Everybody else is free to feel things, but I’d prefer to go through life with as little emotional exertion as possible. That’s why these last two weeks of Hard Knocks have been a real son of a bitch. Last week we were touched by the 13th birthday party of Jack O’Brien. This week I teared up several times. If this keeps up through the finale I might just end up having a hair’s width of depth to my personality. Here are my favorite characters/groups of Episode 4.
David Quessenberry:
David was diagnosed with cancer in the summer of 2014, his rookie year. Last year we witnessed several powerful moments between him and the team. He is currently in remission, and he intends to play football again. unfortunately, it will not be this year. Bill O’Brien told him this in his office, and it was a gut wrenching scene. I can’t wait to watch this kid play football next spring.
The Labharts and EZ Nwachukwu:
EZ Nwachukwu is hilarious. He walks through life with a sense of childlike wonderment. Whether he’s touring NASA or fishing in a pond that is absurdly named a lake, he seems awestruck by just about everything. I would pay money to watch EZ watch a magic show. EZ’s college roommate is Travis Labhart. Travis and his wife seem to get along famously with EZ. It feels like EZ is an exchange student who is living with the Labharts for the semester.
Labhart was cut in this episode, and he now faces the choice of whether to hang up the cleats or give it another shot. EZ is on the bubble himself. I really hope EZ makes this team. If he doesn’t, the Labharts will have no choice but to take him into their home and spend the rest of their lives protecting him from three card monty dealers and internet scammers.
Erin Andrews:
Nobody is soaking up the NFL experience more fully than Charles James II. Last week we saw him gushing over Peyton Manning during warm ups. This week the tables were turned, as sideline reporter Erin Andrews gushed over Charles, telling him what a huge fan she is. I don’t know how long he’ll make it in the NFL, but I will be utterly shocked if James doesn’t land a gig in the media when he’s done. As a broadcaster I see him as a mix between Avery Johnson and Deion Sanders.
Christian Covington:
Bill O’Brien tested Christian’s grace under fire this week. His challenge was to field a punt from Shane Lechler. If he caught it, the team would be released from the hotel. If not, well, Bill never really said (Which makes me think they were going home regardless, but for dramatic purposes let’s just pretend they’d have to remain in the hotel if Christian failed. Quit being a spoilsport, dammit). This is harder than it looks. The roof of that bubble is a massive sea of white, and you don’t have a frame of reference. Plus, those NFL punts come out of the sky like oblong knuckleballs, zigzagging to and fro like zhu zhu pets on quaaludes. Christian nails it, and everybody goes home. Well done, Christian.
Rick Smith:
GM Rick Smith played a much more prominent role in this episode. We saw him discuss the merits of punctuality with Ryan Mallett and execute a trade between the Texans and Broncos. Some people have wondered whether Rick’s lesser role on Hard Knocks has revealed anything about the power structure between Rick and Bill O’Brien. I think it’s a mistake to read anything into Smith’s screen time. O’Brien’s supernova persona obfuscates everybody except J.J. Watt. Rick is still pulling a lot of strings on Kirby.
So there you have it. This was a slower episode, but a moving one. Next week we’ll see the final roster cuts, so get your hankies ready.
See the rest of Seth Payne’s Deceptively Fast University
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